Many years ago, I had many dreams and many principles. Part given by my mentors, some acquired by life experiences and some….well, I’m not really sure where they came from. as I grew and walked my path, I’ve thought I knew what I was searching for. over time, I distanced myself from what I didn’t want to see. Searching in the dark a light to reinforced my way.
I grew up in an environment that loved the underdog. It made us feel that we all have a chance. A chance to arrive somewhere. Nobody told us where, how or why, just that if we fight long enough and believe strong enough, it will happens.
In my head, I lived many lives already. I’ve been in many places, lived with many kind of a people, succeeded and failed. Each one of those lives gave me something and took from me as much. They say that what kill you make you stronger. They were wrong! Things that doesn’t kill you leave you with scares, pain and nightmares. Some that you feel every day and some to reappear at some moments.
When I was young I had a dream. One that was based on fantasy and naive hopes. I believed that most of the people want peace. That most of us will prefer a harder and free live over a comfortable life of compliance. I tough that logic and brain can overcome feeling of fear and doubt. I explain myself that we are all one and equal and that we all deserve peace. that maybe, by being good (what ever that mean), helping and giving. Some will come back to me…mystically maybe or just as the way of life. I wanted to be understood and be part of these people. That all moved toward building a better future for all of us.
Life teaches if one is willing to listing. Listing means stop talking. Stop insisting that one is right, just or deserving. It just show you, in a simple and constant way how the world is. It took me decades to realize it. I refused to see it. As it meant I was wrong. Wrong with my dream, hope and believes.
The last years proved me that life is hard. That over time it becomes harder. That more you build, more you need to give. And more you give, more you have to lose. I learned that people hate to lose. As them as me too. I learned that the good of our children is no longer the center of our communities and that children in general became a burden and not a bliss for many. I saw how government became a tool to impoverish the one that are willing to work hard. and how the majority of the people defend it and hail for the theft of the future of the youth. I saw how people, for the sake of self preservation, will manipulate the truth. I realized that ideas as the common good has been weaponized by scared people that cannot hold the tough that the life of other have any important compared to their own safety and comfort. I saw how decent people became weak, broken, hopeless and fearful.
but above all I came to realized, that I was wrong. I was wrong to believe in magic, or faith or the good of the people. I was wrong holding so tight into what I wanted the world to be. I was wrong thinking that fighting harder will give me different result (or any). I was wrong in believing that good will bring more good.
After A period of anger and frustration, it hit me. It was always like that! Only in my head things should have been different. It is at that point that I realized, that there is nothing neither good or bad in this world. It is just what we are expecting life to be and what we do with it when we are proven wrong. It started and finishes with me. As I’m the only one that is responsible for my life and I’m the only one living it.
I’m not responsible for no other person pain nor his destiny. I’m in charge of my own. And my purpose, is simple. To live the life in the best way I can do it. Not the best way I think I can do it. But the best way there is. I came to realize, that the only measurement of improvement is who and where I was yesterday. I know I will fuck it up and take wrong turns, it is part of living and trying. But I need to remember not to hold too dearly that what I lost or what I never had.
Today I have a dream. Not a big one and not a meaningful one. I want to have control over my life. Do the best I can for me. Manage to distinguish between what is in my control and what is not. What I have and what I wish I had. Remember that I’m capable. Not because something I’ve done but because I have the power to change….every day! And that life is an individual path that no one can teach us or tell us how to walk. There is no right or wrong, correct or better. There is only the path.
I dream to arrive somewhere. A better place ….or just a different one. I hope that went I will look back I will always be satisfy of my path. Not because it was easy, good or successful. But because I walk it. I know I must walk this path! After all, I would definitely prefer being somewhere than nowhere.
Share with me your thoughts and you path. I truly want to hear about it. Only an open conversation can help us build a better future. for ourselves and for our kids.
I want to thank you for reading it and being part of my journey. I wish you all the best in yours